Wacky Physics Jokes
This list is small, but will grow as time progresses:
- (This one was written on my note board one morning) Why did the
chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed
the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of
- Old physicists don't die; their wavefunctions go to zero as time
goes to infinity. (You'll understand this joke next semester after
- (Provided by Mike Stevenson)Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, doing what he does
best--philosophising. he's had a few pints of ale over the course of
the evening, and it's now last call. The bartender asks him if he
wants another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and promptly
The next few provided by Mary Morey:
- A bar walks into a man, oops, wrong frame of reference.
- Q:What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
A:(Chicken)(turkey) sine theta!
Q:What do you get when you cross a chicken and a rock climber?
A:You silly! A rock climber is a scalar!!
- There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens.
All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know
what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a
biologist, a chemist, and a physist to see if they can figure out what is
wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and
says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist
takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any
conclusions either. So the physist trys. He stands there and looks at
the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all
of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after
several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only
works for spherical chickens in a vaccum."
The next few are provided by Peter Greene:
- Q: Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew (mu).
- A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?"The bartender looks at him, and say "For you, no charge."
- Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm
- Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The
cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but
I know where I am."
Kids Physics (Presumably, answers to questions provided by kids):
- Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500
feet in one second.
- You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came
to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never
- When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they
found them stuffed with explosions.
- When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy.
When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
- While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the
sun, it is really only centrificating.
- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change
back into a sun in the daytime.
- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it
wants to go.
- Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know
- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have
never been able to make out the numbers.
- We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation
gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the
- I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it,
and that is the important thing.
- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
- Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will
kill the strongest man.
- Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
- Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
- It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to
live other places.