Wacky Physics Jokes

• (This one was written on my note board one morning) Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

• Old physicists don't die; their wavefunctions go to zero as time goes to infinity. (You'll understand this joke next semester after taking PH212.)

• (Provided by Mike Stevenson)Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, doing what he does best--philosophising. he's had a few pints of ale over the course of the evening, and it's now last call. The bartender asks him if he wants another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and promptly vanishes.

The next few provided by Mary Morey:

• A bar walks into a man, oops, wrong frame of reference.

• Q:What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
  A:(Chicken)(turkey) sine theta!
  Q:What do you get when you cross a chicken and a rock climber?
  A:You silly! A rock climber is a scalar!!

• There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physist trys. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vaccum."

The next few are provided by Peter Greene:

• Q: Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first? A: The one with the smaller mew (mu).

• A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"The bartender looks at him, and say "For you, no charge."

• Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."

• Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

Kids Physics (Presumably, answers to questions provided by kids):

• Q: What is one horsepower? A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

• You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

• When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

• When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

• While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

• Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

• A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

• Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.

• Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

• Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

• We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

• I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

• Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

• Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

• Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

• Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

• It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.